I find myself more and more often thinking about my situation and longing to go home. I find it frustrating as I am never content with where I am at. It was 2007 when I wanted out of my present life and condition and wanted to go to bible school. Once in bible school all I could focus on was getting to the missions training center. Once at the training centre all I wanted was to get to the field. Once I got to the field I wanted to be in a valued ministry position. Now that I have more work than I could possibly do all I want is to go back to my life in Nebraska. It amazes me how I can see the Lord work in so many ways but always longing for the green grass on the other side of the fence or in my case on the other side of the world!
Recently, while watching a movie I found the simplest things stirring up emotions and feelings in me. I have to be honest as I miss those familiar things. Such as dry wall dust, the smell of joint compound. I miss having hobbies or something other than work to do. I miss owning a home and mowing the grass. So many little things that grab my attention and distract me from being content.
I find it very easy to take what I once called "ministry" and turn it into work. How is that when I have followed the Great Commission and the Lords command? How can one fall into depression, sin, or just a funk while being on the mission field? The same way anyone can do it from their home culture. Lack of being Content! Which is always a result of Lack of time in Gods Word.
I have found myself being tied up with wanting to meet every need. Wanting to answer every email, return every call, and complete every house drawing. I have allowed the "work" to replace the God! So easy and so fast. Even in a culture that is not time driven I have allowed the JOY of Ministry to slip away. It's because I have put reading my iPhone msgs before reading Gods word. It's because I have allowed the emails of today to become the focus for tomorrow. Basically, I have allowed the lies of Satan which has told me I am valuable, I am important, that only I can keep this thing going, to replace the Truth of the matter. I am only a man created to know the Creator.
I have allowed the Joy of my life to slip away and be replaced with the heaviness of the world.
In Philippians 3:10-13 Paul writes "But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at least you have revived your concern for me, indeed you were concerned before but you lacked opportunity. Not that I speak from want for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."
In this writing Paul brings to the clear that he knows what it is like to live with and without. God has given him the opportunity to experience abundance and suffering. Through this Paul says though, He has learned to be content in whatever cirucmstance he finds himself in. I am thrilled that he used the word LEARNED as it gives me hope. Hope in the fact that God is at work in my life. Hope in the fact that I to can learn contentment. Paul confirms in VS 13 that it can be accomplished through HIM "Christ".
Well, I stand now at the fork in the road. I have recognized my problem, I am filling my life with anything and everything but Gods truth, and making work my God instead of God my life.
I have the power and truth of Gods scripture which confirms that I can Learn to be content and that will come through Christ who gives me the strength. Now the hard part, application! How do I take the truth and apply it to my life in a way that does not make it another check list to my already busy day?
For me it comes down to the choice to acknowledge when I am experiencing discontentment, choosing to look to God and His written truth. Remembering that temporal happiness or pleasure never ends up in lasting Joy. I choose Joy, I choose contentment, I choose Christ!
As you read this you need to know that I am not a preacher, or a biblical scholar, but just a man wanting to live my life in a way that can encourage others. I don't have everything all figured out but I trust God to teach me and during that process I want others to see what God can do. I take absolutely no credit in my life or the things accomplished. It is through Christ Alone who strengthens me!
Travis Ray
